We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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