Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
