a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
