Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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