im drinking this country out of the recession.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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