those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
