They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize