this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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