Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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