Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize