can we get nightvision for the apartment?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
