There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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