I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I looked at my own cervix.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
