3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just fell off a train. Bad.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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