I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
