why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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