Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
