i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
