Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Randomize
