Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
