At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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