watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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