He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
