Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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