My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
