She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
