i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
