One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
