I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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