we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
