they need to just BURY HIM!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
