if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
