So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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