I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
