I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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