nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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