if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize