The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize