It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
