8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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