I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
