u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
