i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
