First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
