i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize