Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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