she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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