WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
