sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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