i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
