woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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