I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
