Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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