Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize