how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
