Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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