She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
