tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
