Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
