do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
