I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
