She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
