the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize