just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
