worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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