so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
