I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
