May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize