I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
