eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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