so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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