i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
