He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
