i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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