dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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