Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
True college students do jello shots in the library
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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