So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my sisters under your porch take her home
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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