i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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