is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
