I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
