I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
