I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
