Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
