Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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