ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
where does the pee come out of this thing
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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