God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
