I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize