It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
3 2 1 whiskey
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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