I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
