did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
