My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
