FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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