the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize