we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
