just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize