Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Small penises have feelings too.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
