Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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